There has been a rise of patient complaints of problems with their private bits lately in our clinic, and this got me thinking; how can we help people make better choices with regards to getting down safely? So, let’s dial it back to the early 90’s Salt N Pepper style: Let’s talk about sex baby! We are not going to tell you to never enjoy the art of making whoopy. We aren’t going to tell you to “just say no” because that worked so well with the drug epidemic, sorry Nancy Regan. What we are going to say is let’s make good choices, and if/when you didn’t… don’t be ashamed and prideful. Come see us and get yourself checked out. It’s the right thing to do for your private parts and your sex-capades partner(s). Lady-bits’ and man-bits’ health is essential for a happy healthy life of love making, and if not handled properly, it will be a short-lived life.
Ladies, lets discuss how to identify problems with your lady bits. First and foremost, we want to emphasize the amazing power of the vajayjay. It is a self-cleaning organ. No need for those feminine hygiene products that are lining the shelves at the local drug stores. Your delicate Pikachu has its own pH balance that it can self-regulate 99% of the time, and when your using products to mask odors, all you’re really doing it messing up its wonderful homeostasis and making things worse. Now that 1% of the time where your lady bits have you feeling a little like an OutKast, not ‘so fresh and so clean clean’ (sorry for the cheesy song lyrics), don’t try to handle your lady bits-ness on your own, and come get checked out at One Health. Chances are you need some assistance with some antibiotics or antifungals. Odors are often an indicator for us to sound the alarms of “Houston, we have a problem”. Now don’t shy away at the rest of this and say, “but that would never happen to me”. This happens even when we do make good choices. pH imbalance can happen when sitting in hot tubs too long, when taking antibiotics for anything (because antibiotics kill even the good bacteria we weren’t going after), have sexy fun time with ourselves with our B.O.B.s (battery operated boyfriends), or with a new partner that our vajayjay pH warriors are not accustom to the pH of their lil’ swimmers thus messing up the Rockstar pH balance of our precious lady bits.
So how do we know when there is a problem down under and we need to get our beloved lavender juice box checked? Let explore what are the common symptoms we may have when we have a foreign invader messin’ up our game.
What should I look out for?
Common STD symptoms in women:
- No symptoms. …… ummmm, what? That’s right. We have a unique disadvantage for having our business on the inside and don’t have the opportunity to see problems that are going like guys do on the outside.
- Discharge (thick or thin, milky white, yellow, or green leakage from the vagina). Ladies, we know that sometimes, like when we are ovulating (dropping an egg like it’s hot), the week before Aunt Flow arrives for her usual 5-7 day stay EVERY 28 days, an increase in discharge is normal, but it’s usually clear to whitish and free from semi-solid globs. The reason for this increase in personal lubrication is our body’s way of providing extra nutrients for the sperm on their long journey to the promised land (aka the egg). This is how a baby is made. However, when there are colors, odors (like fishy), or chunks (sorry, ladies we gotta keep it real), then all is not well in the land of vaginas. Come see us at One Health; we gotchu Boo)!
- Vaginal itching. Man, is that annoying or what?! There’s no good way to discretely take care of said itch without looking like a dude going after the source of annoyance while maintaining our lady like appearance.
- Vaginal blisters or blisters in the genital area (the area covered by undies). I don’t know of a single lad out there that has ever said “meh, there’s nothing wrong with that”. Sometimes you can experience a tingling sensation right before those nasty little blisters pop up to ruin your day.
- Vaginal rash or rash in the genital area. Again, um what?! Aside from razor bumps or bumps from waxing, there is never a good scenario for having a change of skin color or appearance in the land of love.
- Burning when you pee. Going number 1 should be a pleasant experience had by all, except when you sneeze or cough too hard (darn those pesky pee squirts, but that’s a topic for another time. Can you say Kegel anyone?).
- Painful urination. Urinary tract infections (UTI) are the common reason for this, but the bacteria that started the UTI can be caused by STD type bacteria. So, don’t chalk this symptom up to just a plain ol’ bladder infection, especially if you recently had an unprotected smush session. Better safe than sorry, so get yourself checked out.
- Pain during intercourse. Don’t let this one fool you either. Even if your partner is blessed in the pant region, the art of making whoopy should not feel like a bunch of bees were released in your vagina. It is a pretty resilient organ that can take a beating… remember, we push out watermelon sized object from a hole the size of a lemon.
Less common STD symptoms in women:
- Bleeding or spotting between menstrual cycles. Unless you changed your birth control, or are going through “the change” (gasp), this is not a normal thing or should you sit and wait until it resolves on its own. Seek medical care for evaluation.
- Painless ulcers on the vagina. Pain or no pain, ulcers on the lady bits?! Ain’t nobody got time for that (sorry for the double negative). This is never, ever ok. Come in right away for a check-up.
- Pelvic pain. We all know the difference between cramps and pain that is so deep in our precious parts that it takes our attention away from work or life. Come in for a check-up without delay. This can be a sign of a bigger problem that can lead to scarring and infertility.
- Lower back pain. STDs can be tricky little boogers and let us think we just have a kidney infection, but again as we said before, bacteria that causes UTIs or kidney infections started with the unprotected love making.
- Fever. Ladies, we are tough, but when our body’s tying to alert us of a problem, they will use any means necessary to get our attention so that you right the wrong. With fevers, you usually don’t feel like your amazing self, so come get it checked out without delay.
How we prevent these things from happening
Condoms! Condoms! Condoms! With consistent and correct use, they are highly effective in preventing most STDs, not just protecting against unplanned babies. They can prevent again chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis. By preventing lower genital tract infections (that’s not just our vajayjays ladies but men’s undercarriages too), condoms also might reduce the risk of developing pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) for the ladies. Holla! In addition, consistent and correct use of latex condoms reduces the risk for HPV infection and HPV associated diseases, genital herpes, hepatitis B, syphilis, and chancroid when the infected area or site of potential exposure is covered. Now if the condom does not cover sores or lesions, all bets are off. It’s best to politely call it a night and try communicating with words and not body parts.
Condoms don’t come with instructions (well, they do but let’s be honest, we don’t exactly want to stop what we’re doing and read them). So, allow us to break it down for you in a way that you’ll remember when you’re not thinking potential risks to your fun time.
- Use a new condom with each sex act (i.e., oral, vaginal, and anal). No, I repeat NO DOUBLE DIPPING. If you go in Door #2, you CANNOT enter Door #1. This will be sure to give your lady, at a minimum, a yeast infection. If you do go in Door #2 and want to enter Door #1, CHANGE THE CONDOM. And yes, you can and should use condoms for oral sex. You can get STDs in the mouth and throat.
- Carefully handle the condom to avoid damaging it with fingernails, teeth, or other sharp objects. Take your time!
- Put the condom on after the penis is erect and before any genital, oral, or anal contact with the partner. Key word: AFTER it is hard, but BEFORE fun playtime!
- Use only water-based lubricants (e.g., K-Y Jelly, Astroglide, AquaLube, and glycerin) with latex condoms. Oil-based lubricants (e.g., petroleum jelly, shortening, mineral oil, massage oils, body lotions, and cooking oil) can weaken latex and should not be used; however, oil-based lubricants can generally be used with synthetic condoms.
- Ensure adequate lubrication during vaginal and anal sex, which might require the use of exogenous (outside our own natural lube) water-based lubricants. If not, you can have tearing of the fragile skin and one excellent way to allow bacteria and viruses in.
- To prevent the condom from slipping off, hold the condom firmly against the base of the penis during withdrawal, and withdraw while the penis is still erect.
There are many types of condoms, but that will be in another discussion.
And gentlemen, we didn’t forget about you! Next article with be all about the health of your man bits.
If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or just want to say hi, contact us at:
One Health Medical Systems
901 E. Jefferson St. Phoenix, AZ 85034
Come by and meet our Medical Provider, Amy Basch FNP-C.
We are dedicated to helping you get back to you Rockstar healthy self, and helping you to make good choices!